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只是想说，现在一无所有。
从头再来，也是绝不可能。
躺在潮热的大地上，潮湿的地气侵袭着身体的每一个骨缝。
疼痛已经麻木了。大脑唯一可以思考的便是，圆圆去哪里了？
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吴三桂的军队在已经发展到六省之内，实力之广，让朝廷大为担心。
朝廷调集重兵，精心谋划，意在一举歼灭三藩之乱。
又有传言，吴三桂欲脱离朝廷，自立为王，已派亲信回到湖南，筹谋复明之事。
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夜里，这独自寂寞的夜晚，春夏之交的昆虫极其的多，极其的活跃，嘈杂的像昔日的长安街。
我也多了个酒葫芦，取了那把剑，当掉了，换几个钱，酒和葫芦就有了、、、
从来没发现酒有这么好喝，每一口下去，那是种折磨自己获得的爽快，难以言明。
总之，脑袋一热，什么都过去了。
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这俨然是一座空城，夜晚全给了虫子，除了几声狗吠，还能让夜晚多了点激情，真的再难找出可以大喊的理由。
客栈的屋檐上，灰白色的瓦片层层叠叠，偶尔有块碎掉了，中间还长出来几株小草。
夜晚的风才是最迷人的，刮过来，都把魂魄给刮走了。
这是个万家灯火的时候，而现在却只剩一颗孤零零的月亮，白的惨淡，透明的隐隐约约的月光表面，似有嫦娥玉兔的影子，却更显得凄寒。
从怀里摸出白天抢到的那两封信，仔细看了看署名，一切明了。
不错，信正是写给我的。
一封来自圆圆。
君亲启：
我不知道你去哪里了，你不需要给我这种沉默的理由来让我放开你。
自从当初的离开，一切都已经开始变质，就算我们都为所谓的爱放下过什么，但爱情开始与一些事情等价起来。
命运不属于自己，我又拿什么和你谈爱？
可是你走的比我想象的突然，我本以为我们可以到达我们的云南。
这下看来，你陪不了我了。
你的扇子我带走了，但愿你能时刻想起你师父的话。
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我想我不属于任何人，即便是在爱情里。
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这盛传的城南瘟疫，你不可不小心，客栈老板赶人了，我也要走了。
你不会回来，假如你回来了，看到这封信，不要怪我。我从来没怪过你。我只是因为爱，纵容了太多，也失去了太多、、、
杨花落扬州，花开又花收；
江南明月夜，一日放扁舟；
望君安康，亲挂念。
---------圆敬上
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“为什么会这样？”
我才打算认真爱你，你却不而别。
也许在你看来，是我的错，是我在逃避，是我先逃离。
可是、、、
扯了扯这团成乱麻的头发，闷了一口酒，长啸一声，夜空下久久回响着凄厉的嚎叫、、、引动了十里长街的犬吠。偶尔飘过了几句咒骂。我却不在放在心上。
她走了，我突然觉得自己做的一切都没有意义，生命然就缺少了快乐的源头，尽管和她在一起并非都是快乐，可丢了她，我连生气的欲望都会消失、、、
手已经提不起，不是因为它杀的人多，重的拿不起来，而是我把自己给杀了，拿不起的剑，不会沾染任何血腥。
把信揉做一团，在掌心捻了又捻，又再次展开：
杨花落扬州，花开又花收；
江南明月夜，一日放扁舟；
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还有一封信，署名：独孤门生！！！！
是他！？又是他！？
谁都有拒绝的权利，但谁都无法逃避选择。
信是写在一张极其小的纸片上：
家国事，天下事。
死生由命，为各志。
仇生仇，怨结怨。
不为生者多执笔，但祈死者长已矣。
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豁然开朗，大智若愚。
他的智慧足矣每天躺在青青的草里，啃着秸秆，来回味这艰苦的人生、、、
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年少，经不起等待和挽留。
只是一转眼的功夫，丢了幸福。
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“圆圆！！！！你到底去了哪里？！！！！”
我对着月空大喊，除了几声狗叫在回应着我，一片空荡荡的、、、声音传到了直到再也听不见的远处。
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果不其然，长沙城在大部分人撤走的时候，突然进驻了好多兵力。
又有大事要发生了、、、、、
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没日没夜的醉，只想让自己停留在最初的世界。那时，春天就是春天，没有任何一种感觉，可以干扰到你，没有任何一种情绪提醒你自己。
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一壶酒，我从南大街，一周北上、、、、、、
传说中的街北，瘟疫泛滥，已经死了好人、、、、
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北大街位于靠近城郊的位置，人口少，流动性小，。我过去的时候，军队已经把路都设了木桩，卡在城门口。来往者，一一检查，逐一放行。
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这样的地方怎么可能起了瘟疫？
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